Taormina Finds Satisfaction in the Struggle

BEIJING - This is how tough modern pentathlon is: you can win two of the discipline's five sports and still not finish among the top10 overall.  

This is how tough Sheila Taormina is: after finishing dead last in the epee fencing portion (winning only four of her 35 bouts), she did not quit. Instead, she won two of the three remaining events.

"After the fencing disaster, I wanted to turn it into a respectable day," she said.

The eventual gold, silver, and bronze medalists only won one event between them, but Taormina broke an Olympic record in the 200m swim and rode a randomly-selected horse flawlessly in the equestrian show jumping portion. She also placed seventh in the finale, a 3000-meter cross-country run (10:25.05).

The record book will show Taormina finished 19^th among 36 female competitors in modern pentathlon in Beijing.

It was neither her worst nor her best Olympic performance. In 1996, Taormina won a gold medal swimming the third leg of the 4x200m freestyle relay. In 2000, she placed sixth in the Sydney triathlon. In 2004, she placed 23^rd in the Athens triathlon. It wasn't until 2005 that she came out of retirement and acquired the additional skill sports required in modern pentathlon (pistol shooting, fencing, and equestrian jumping) and how to cope with the emotional drama that comes with dueling 35 opponents, controlling a 1500-lb animal, and trying to shoot a bullseye 20 times in a row.

"I've definitely learned life skills doing pentathlon," said Taormina. "In triathlon, you go into your zone. Pentathlon has constant ups and downs. I don't think I had enough years to get into that mind frame. It was tough for me saying, ‘OK, put it behind you.'"

Taormina was 28^th after the first event, pistol shooting. "It wasn't a disaster," she said. "28^th was solid. I thought: I'm going to be in the hunt for this if my riding goes well because I never in a hundred years imagined that my fencing [the second event] would go so badly."

Midway through fencing, however, she said she felt "mortified" and "embarrassed."

"I had two victories and probably 15 defeats. I said to Janusz [the US coach], ‘What's going on?' He tried to give me fencing advice."

Taormina started to analyze and question it. "Then I looked up and saw my sister Sudee. She knew I wanted to do better. We looked into each other's eyes and she said, ‘You cannot want,' and through those words, any bit of humiliation flowed out of me. I'm not trying to be dramatic, but all of a sudden I started to feel contentment in any circumstance."

Taormina didn't fence much better against her subsequent opponents, but she did begin to enjoy the journey to the end.

The next event was swimming, Taormina's original Olympic sport. "But the real special treat," she said, "was winning the ride. It's always been my favorite event" - even though Taormina did not get on a horse until 2005.

And in the final event, running, when Taormina started passing people who had a 40 second head start based on their higher ranking after four events, she said, "I felt phenomenal."

In retrospect, she said, "Yesterday also symbolized life. It symbolized disappointment and victory and the fact that you can be content and survive all of those. I understand human struggle.

"I never gave up. That's the motif," she said.

"When I came back from retirement, friends and family told me, ‘You don't have to prove anything.' They were trying to say: ‘You can let go.' But they didn't tell me what to do. They let me take the journey. I was literally hanging on the edge the whole time. But I believed in 2008 and there could be a blessing in this."

"People can look at the 19^th place but the message was: I never walked away from it, even though it was a frustrating day. I followed through and finished."

"When I won the ride and had the most wonderful feeling going over those jumps.

"I won't look back and wonder," Taormina said, after completing what will likely be her final Olympics at age 39. "The gift is the not the things that happened, but the end."

"It wasn't about winning. I have a gold medal," she said, referring to the 4x200m freestyle relay she won in Atlanta 12 years ago.

"When I got home [with the gold], nobody's sitting on your doorstep saying ‘Let me mow your lawn for you. Let's me take out the kitty litter for you.' You get home and you do your stuff. Whether you have a gold medal or not, you wake up and go, I'm going to make myself a pot of coffee and figure out what I have to do to make it through the world."

 

Aimee Berg is a freelance contributor for teamusa.org. This feature was not subject to the approval of the United States Olympic Committee or any National Governing Bodies.